Last week I was still determined to be a professional writer but something’s changed, again.
I mentioned in my last post that I was keeping up with two websites, including this one and my Instagram. I’ve now deleted that other website, which was only written about societal issues. I can now concentrate on this one only, and my Instagram is for all of my photos. This website is going to be an on-going blog about new life experiences after I’ve deleted all my virtual distractions. Since I’ve done that I feel much better. I really do feel like a big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I finally feel like I don’t have so much pressure on me.
See, with social media or even blogs like this one, it’s very hard not to get sucked into a vortex of obligations. The vortex kept me stagnant for years. I was treading water and all of my virtual distractions had kept me falsely satisfied, for a little while. I’m still pretty confused how this works psychologically but I’m not going to dive into all of that now . . .
I don’t have a tense sense that I have to tell everyone that knows me something about my day. That feels nice. Now that I’ve had time to think; I feel like I have something to offer once again. My dream to be a writer is still as strong as ever but my professional life is going to have change pretty quickly.
Recently, after 2 years of not seeing her, I got to spend a few days hanging out with my mom. The older that I get, the more rare it is that I get see her. And with that being said, the older I get, the more important it becomes each time that I do see her. Unlike when I was a teenager and I spent a weekend with her here and there, now that I’m an adult and I’m much more mature, the time we spend is absolutely soaked in inspiration.
I never really looked up to my mom like I did entertainers and historical figures. She was always there being driven and confident, but I took her and her advice for granted. During this trip though, my mom’s character really shined. I finally understand what she’s been saying this whole time. I’ve decided to strive from now on to change my life instead of grudgingly living stagnant and safe.
I have taken my easy job for granted for too long already and it’s left me going basically nowhere fast. I surround myself with all these damn distractions. The ultimate manifestation of that is my lifestyle: I live in downtown where there’s so many people that I can only be left in constant confusion because of the constant change around me.
When I did go to see my mom in Saskatchewan, that was the first time I left the city in two years. The business of downtown is just a false emotion on the mind, I think. It makes you think that a lot is going on, but really you’re just treading water in a really busy part of the city. I can now see why people say they hate downtown because it stresses them out or whatever. I never really understood it before. I was happy with living downtown with no car because of the simple fact that everything I needed was there in a close proximity to me. However the sacrifice of giving up my peace of mind only left me shaken and bitterly lost.
These vortexes always come in different forms, but remember what they all have in common with each other: They keep everything as it once was. If I’m moving forward—if you’re going to move forward—from now on, not backwards or just stagnant, it’s really time to take control already.