It feels so fucking nice to write and it doesn’t matter what I’m writing these days—as long as I’m writing something down on a daily basis—I’m happy. Just the thought of writing is enough to overwhelm me. I don’t know how I can begin to explain the feeling I get to non-writers… It’s an uplifting and powerful feeling, like nothing else matters and what you’re doing in the moment is the most important thing ever.
I’m not a man of religious faith but I do believe in fate. In circumstances. I believe that if I’m doing something, then it is meant to be. One day I’m concentrated on one thing, then the other I’m a completely different person. I do not take anytime to understand why. Something makes me interested in different things and trying to understand what is causing these changes in my life isn’t going to help me finish anything—I feel like it’s best to just go with the flow and not try to fight with myself.
On a daily basis, I’m thinking all morning and all afternoon, trying to piece together a blog or an article… Something to compile to satisfy my urge to write. Usually by mid-day, or when I get home from work, I’m entirely focused on finishing the idea that I started earlier. I have several large writing projects that I’m working on and to be honest those are way more important than anything I put on here… This website is more or less a big exercise for me. A large writing project with a bunch of different topics and ideas so that I can really push my limits and see what I can really do with my craft.
I can sense that I’m getting closer and closer to being happy with the amount of material I have on here. When I started, this was only suppose to have a few articles on it, and that’s it. Well that has changed and now this is where I come whenever I need to burn off some intellectual steam or just type out my frustration or my confusion. Having this place to go whenever I’m feeling alone is so important for my sanity.
If I didn’t have this sanctuary for my thoughts then I feel like my ideas would be lost forever. Unlike Socrates (in my previous blog Write to Remember), I have to get my ideas down quickly or they just disappear. When I get a new idea, it’s just like walking up from a dream. For the tiniest moment I can see everything—the entire idea. If I do not start to write down that idea right away, it starts to become mentally out of reach. I’ll sit down and strain to remember what I was just thinking but it’s gone forever. That’s why I have made it a process to habitually grab onto ideas as they come to mind and then put them in a safe place until I’m able to come back to them.
Whatever I’m doing now seems to be working for now… I still have a long way to go. My dream of becoming a published author and film director is not so far away. Very soon I will be where I’ve been trying to get to. Then, maybe I will be able to relax. Maybe.